Can We Talk About Kissing?

Alright, y’all. Like millions of other people, I’ve been reading a lot of romantasy lately, and I have something I need to ask you:

Am I…am I doing kissing wrong?

For one, I’m fairly certain my tongue has never “warred” with someone else’s. Actually, that sounds kinda unpleasant. It’s giving “thumb war” vibes:

Also, I’m pretty sure I’ve never used my tongue to explore the roof of someone’s mouth, partly because my tongue is not that long but mostly because I don’t wanna. And if someone did that to me I would 1) laugh (because it would tickle) and 2) probably gag a little bit.

One thing I can say for damn sure is that I would NEVER use my tongue to explore a partner’s TEETH, nor would I want their tongue to “explore,” “sweep over,” or “probe” MY teeth. Are you kidding me? We are not at the dentist, friends. And if it’s not the tongues licking the teeth (::retch::), it’s the teeth clacking against each other because the characters are kissing so hard. Again, is this something people are into? Do people enjoy the feeling of their teeth clacking against hard things? I sure don’t.

Give me a warm mouth that ranges from “soft” to “urgent,” a teasing/dancing/sliding tongue, and maybe a little lip suck/pull/nibble any day.

So tell me, friends: am I doing it wrong? Or do you agree with me that some of these “sexy” kissing scenes in recent books are…not very sexy? Please comment below!

In Proximum, Regina Vestra

(All gifs are from GIPHY)