Hot take alert!!!

Can we talk about dark romance? It’s…not for me.

What is dark romance? Well, as queenofsmoke so eloquently put it in a reddit post from 3 years ago, “dark romance generally means behaviour (usually from the hero) that would be problematic, to put it mildly, in real life.” As she notes, “There is usually a HEA” (Happily Ever After).

Dark romances can include, among other things, sexual assault and/or “dubious consent,” humiliation, aggression, kidnapping, stalking, jealous/possessive behavior, and “morally grey” or unabashedly cruel love interests (and let’s be real, it’s usually MMCs, “male main characters”). And, again, they usually end in a “happily ever after.” The cruel prince is changed by his love for the main character. Changed, I tell you! He’ll never be mean again! He just loves her too much!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not here to kink-shame anyone. And it’s not the sexual part of it that bugs me. Exploring dark themes in sexual fantasies is a tried-and-true pastime that many people (myself included) have indulged in for a very, very long time. And we all know bad boys are sexy.

It’s the romance part that bugs me. The “happily ever after.” Because if I’ve learned one thing in my time on this planet, it’s this: it’s impossible to have a “happily ever after” with certain types of people. And all of those sexy dark romance tropes? Those are the toxic behaviors that these types of people display. I believe the term the youths use is “red flags.” You know? The indicators that you do not want to be in a relationship with this person?

I recently saw someone comment on a video, “I like my red flags in my fictional boyfriends, not my real ones.” But I ask you…why is it desirable in the fictional boyfriends? I mean, hot sex with someone of questionable character is one thing. But imagining this person as a boyfriend? Or even, as many of these dark romance books would have it, as a husband?

My discomfort with dark romance books started way back in the day with Twilight. Even though it’s fairly mild as dark romances go, I never finished the series; I couldn’t get over how utterly unromantic it was (feel free to disagree with me; LOTS of people do). The stalking, the possessiveness, the unnecessary drama… And it seems like so many popular books these days (especially those on Booktok) have at least some dark romance tropes. As an extreme example, I recently DNF (did not finish) a book in which the two main characters, whose eventual “romance” was heralded by the book jacket, hated each other so much in the beginning that they were literally physically assaulting each other. No, they were not soldiers in opposing armies. No, they were not assassins hired to kill each other. Just two people living in the same house who were supposed to get along…beating the shit out of each other. Is it possible that two people with such a horrible relationship could end up eventually developing a longstanding and satisfying partnership? Sure, I guess. Is it something that I, personally, want to see happen? Something I’m rooting for?

Nope. I want my main characters to find partners who already understand basic concepts like “You shouldn’t hit people when you’re angry at them.” I mean, how hard is it to save the spanking and choking for consensual bedroom play, when you know you’re not actually in danger of being harmed by your partner?

On the other hand, I am so pleased with the current series I’m reading, The Shepherd King duology by Rachel Gillig. Though Gillig tries to play up the “enemies to lovers” angle at the beginning (and yes, I’ll have another post coming soon about that trope alone), the truth is that the love interests in both of Gillig’s books are respectful of each other, communicate well (as much as their circumstances allow, anyway), and prioritize each other’s safety and comfort. They also passionately desire each other and have really hot sex. And that, my friends, is my idea of a great romance.

So just to warn you, dear readers, if you happen to be reading one of my books and you’re getting caught up in the hot, sexy, “dark romance” between two of my characters…it’s probably not going to end in a HEA.

Please feel free to comment below: do you like dark romance? Do you cheer for those HEA’s? If so, what do you like about them?

As always, feel free to subscribe to keep up with my posts.

In Proximum, Regina Vestra